So I read this article on cosmo about one woman that had a baby, and immediately knew she didn’t want anymore. The article was about people judging her based on that and I can so relate to her.
For as long as I can remember I’ve been on the fence about whether I want kids or not, and then if I did want kids, how many would I want? Well the last 2 years or so before I married my husband, I’d been pretty set on never having children. And then we met and got married and being with him did make me realize that I do, in fact want kids. I want this guy to be the father of my child (at the time I kept thinking, “but not any time soon!”). And then our Whitley was conceived almost a month after our wedding day, and two months after, to the day, we found out we were expecting. In a way he was a surprise, but then again he wasn’t because we weren’t exactly careful lol. But from the moment that I saw the two lines on the stick, I knew that this was just so meant to be. It was truly the ideal situation, we had just moved into our first house, we were married, and we were in love, so that’s when the baby is “supposed” to come right? And he did, a perfect little 8 lb – 11 oz boy. And of course, while in the hospital I swore I’d never have another child, pretty sure that’s all women though. But then as the months went on, I entertained the idea again that perhaps in a few years we’d be ready for another one. And then the next day, Whitley would throw a fit and I’d be right back to “never having another one”, but here very recently, I have reached a point in my life, and it feels different this time, where I seriously feel as though I’m never gonna want another child. And there’s not a one specific reason as to why I feel this way. It’s not because I had a “difficult pregnancy”, because I didn’t, I didn’t even have morning sickness, no complications ever (until delivery day), and it’s not because I had to have an emergency c section, it’s definitely not because Whitley is a horrible child, cause he’s far from it, he’s amazing, and it’s not cause my husband has reached this very same point as me, we’ve both just decided that one is enough. Our perfect little prince makes us so happy, and we look forward to spoiling him, and giving him our all. He is so great, he’s the perfect third member of our family, and when I think about our future, I see us, the three musketeers, and it’s just us. And that’s okay. In fact, it makes me smile just thinking of us. A three person family is just as okay as a 4 person family, or an 8 person family.
So why do people tend to judge others based on how many kids they want, or don’t want? Why? What makes them think that their opinion is valued in any way? For people like me, when I get the question “when’s it time for the next one?” I get angry because it feels as though to this person, my little family isn’t enough. To this outsider, my family needs an addition to be socially acceptable. And I hate that. But then there’s other people out there who are dying to have another child, and when they get that question, it’s downright gut wrenching because the questioner doesn’t know that this mother of one has been trying for years and simply can’t conceive another child.
And then there’s another scenario, the scenario that I fear the most. When the mother that either hasn’t ever been able to conceive, or the mother that has a child (or multiple) and is now wanting another but for some reason can’t – asks me “why wouldn’t you have another child when you know you’re able to?” Or something like that. Because that should probably make me feel bad, or sad, but in fact it makes me angry. Probably angrier than when fertile people ask me the same question. I’m sorry that you can’t bear a child, or conceive one, but just because I CAN, I am in no way “supposed” to have another kid. Not unless I want one. So don’t for even a second think that because I’m able to, I somehow owe the world another baby. My heart still aches for you, but don’t ever think that you or anyone else for that matter have the right to judge me, give me advice about my life, or think that I owe anyone anything.
I’m not saying I will never ever change my mind, but as of right now, I’m perfectly content with my little 3 person family. And I’d be happy just like this for the rest of my life. Rant over, if you made it this far, than you for reading this.